we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
