Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
