btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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