so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
