I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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