I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
