Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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