You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
