I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
