nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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