It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
