You just made me feel so damn special
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This toilet bowl is my home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
