i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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