Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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