I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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