one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I love having hate sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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