Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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