i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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