I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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