Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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