question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
