Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize