Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
