Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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