he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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