You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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