sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize