I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
