ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
