Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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