I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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