i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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