when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
