hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
