My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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