So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
