what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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