Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
