Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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