Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
