You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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