I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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