Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
