I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
