I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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