Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
