walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
