i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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