there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
