I hate your face
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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