she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
