She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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