I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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