when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
