We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
