is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
