I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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