she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
