Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
